if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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