We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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