It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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