Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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