Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
