i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm having to shit out rocks
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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