You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
