he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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