Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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