tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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