my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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