Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize