so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
