Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
