tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
