Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
