Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
