Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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