theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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