Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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