Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i barfeds in our rink
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
