I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize