You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You can't just leave with hair like that
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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