Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
