Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
