Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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