I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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