i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
