i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
