I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
