i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
