This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
