I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
