Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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