how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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