There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
