Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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