Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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