Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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