If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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