Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The power of my boobs compel you
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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