i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
two words: eviction party
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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