So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
