my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
