Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
