I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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