Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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