im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He better not be in your backpack
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
