Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
