You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize