you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
