She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
