roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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