Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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