you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
