Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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