So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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