You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
