Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
