hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
