just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We left the knife in your bed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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