Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
