He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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