Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
