I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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