So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
