At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
