she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
