What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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