I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
