yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i dont even know how to be here
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
