wrigley field is MILF paradise
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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