Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
