Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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