i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
