dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
