my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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