Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
