I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
