Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
