I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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