Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
