Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
