I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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