she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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