You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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