I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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