is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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