hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
