My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
