guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
