Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Randomize
