the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
