Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
