honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
