i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
