her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
