So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
