So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
